Choosing the right surrogacy agency for your journey

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There is a truth universally acknowledged that surrogacy can be an overwhelming experience – emotionally, logistically, and financially. There are many reasons why people choose surrogacy to start or continue to grow their families. On top of that, every Intended Parent (IP) will be starting their journey from a very different mindset. Perhaps they are overwhelmingly excited at finally starting their journey, scared that it might not work, or still grieving the loss of other family building options. Yet no matter the reason someone has chosen surrogacy or how they are feeling at the outset of their journey, there is no denying that it is a uniquely complex process.

I’m a former IP myself, and even though it has been over six years since my husband and I first considered surrogacy, I still remember how incredibly overwhelmed I felt at first. I keep that feeling in mind now whenever I support IPs, especially those who are in the initial stages of their journey. The Intended Parents I speak with are all incredibly intelligent, successful, and capable individuals. Jumping headfirst into the world of surrogacy, however, can often make even the most brilliant person feel overwhelmed.

As with anything in life, I feel that one of the best recommendations I can make to IPs beginning their journey is to start small. Take it one step at a time. There are a few key choices that can make a huge impact on the rest of the journey. One of the most important decisions to start with, after choosing the country that they are doing their journey in, will be the professional team they surround themselves with. That team typically consists of – at minimum – a surrogacy agency, attorney, and a fertility clinic.

While each of those team members, and of course the different people that will join your journey along the way, are all vital, I believe that selecting the right agency sets the tone for your whole journey. I love analogies, so forgive me while I slip into one for a second. Imagine that your baby is a beautiful symphony (I’m partial to Beethoven’s 9th which ends in ‘Ode to Joy’ – surely nothing epitomized the feeling of welcoming your future child than that!). You need to have a wonderful orchestra filled with different instrumentalists. These are the different members of your team. The string section could be your fertility clinic; the First Violin your Reproductive Endocrinologist, a maestro in their field, while the rest of the section are all the wonderful people at the clinic like the nurses, embryologists, and schedulers. The percussion section booming away would be your attorney, making sure that you are on the right legal track loud and clear. The gorgeous choir, with their angelic voices soaring in triumph at the end, is your amazing surrogate. But no symphony, no matter how incredible each of the instrumentalists are individually, needs a leader. They need a conductor. Someone who leads with gusto and confidence, professionalism and respect for the individual talents and contributions. They make sure that each specialist soars on their own but works together at the correct time, with the right volume and tempo, to create a beautiful outcome. Hopefully you’ve guessed where this is leading: your surrogacy agency is the conductor of the most important and beautiful symphony you will ever experience.

But how do you choose who will fill this all-important role?

Think about what qualities you want in an agency. There are basics that should be important for every Intended Parent –an ethical, communicative, and reputable professional organization. There are lots of wonderful resources online that rank agencies, professional organizations and bodies that provide recommendations and have partnerships, as well as blogs, personal accounts and support groups. If you are able to, attending events such as the Modern Family Show to meet people in person can be hugely helpful. As you continue searching, you’ll find that many of the agency names start to become recognizable as they are positively mentioned over and over.

From there, look at the subtle difference between agencies. Consider what is important to you and your circumstances. Drawing on my own experience, a key element we desired in an agency was solid expertise working with international IPs. It was also incredibly important for us to work with an agency that was well established, had great reviews from other Intended Parents, Surrogates, and industry professionals, and would respect us as individuals rather than view us as just another parent to churn through their program. We wanted an organization that was open and honest about the process and costs, could guide us through the positive and negative moments, and manage our expectations. Vitally, as we continued speaking with agencies, we realized that we wanted to work with one who valued the personal and lived experience of Intended Parents and Surrogates, and hired those who had been through the process themselves. No matter why you are coming to surrogacy, it is going to be an incredibly emotional experience and we wanted to be supported by top professionals who could also intrinsically understand and empathize with the emotions that were sure to arise.

After you’ve found a few agencies who you think will fulfill your own criteria, talk to them. Ask them all the questions you have initially, and then some more once you’ve processed the conversation. A good agency will never shy away from answering your questions, from providing references or professional referrals which will attest to their competency. They should be open about their practices: how you will be matched, what employees you will work with during your journey, what the fee structure is, what is included and excluded from any package, and what communication you and your surrogate will receive during your journey. Surrogacy is an amazing way to build your family but even the most positive journey can experience bumps along the way so finding an agency that will respectfully manage your expectations is beneficial.

Above all, make sure that you feel comfortable with the agency, their practices, and like the person or people you’ve met. You will be working with your agency for the better part of two years so you need to have a mutual appreciation and respect for one another! Even though you likely won’t speak upfront with everyone you’ll be working with, you should have a good sense of the culture and ethos of the agency through your conversations.

During my own journey, after considering what was important to us, researching and speaking with a few agencies, we found one that felt like a great fit: Family Source Consultants. They had everything we were looking for in an agency and went above and beyond to support us from the start. We felt comfortable with them from the outset, and our shared feeling after our initial meeting was relief. They were the first agency we spoke with that made us feel excited and hopeful rather than overwhelmed. We knew in them we had found everything we were looking for. Even through the ups and downs of our journey, which happened outside of anyone’s control, we always felt that Family Source and the team were going above and beyond to help us and respected us and our feelings. So much so that after my son was born, I returned to Family Source Consultants as the Senior International Relations Manager to help other IPs.

Surrogacy can feel overwhelming but with the right agency, you should feel confident and secure knowing that you have amazing guides with you every step of the way. While there is no ‘right’ way to choose an agency, consider what you want from your journey in terms of support and organizational values. There are many metrics or criteria that you can base your decision on, but I recommend choosing an agency you feel confident in to lead you and your team.

If you’d like further information about Family Source Consultants and the support we can provide you during your Surrogacy and/or Egg Donation journey,

please visit  https://www.familysourceconsultants.com/ or contact Jessica at Jessica.williams@familysourceconsultants.com